I have constant nightmares where I'm wlaking down a hall that just never ends but everytime I ffeel like I'm getting close to the end and I see a door and I run towards it, it dissapears, then I wake up in the dream I wake up and the ceiling falls on me, then I wake up for real. I am always so stressed I have constant headaches and stomach aches, my muscles always feel kind of tired and weak. I always have this weird feeling like somebodys in the house and everytime I see an open window before I go to bed and its dark out, I freak out close it and even though the screen would have to be broken I still get really scared and turn around every two seconds I become super paranoid, my heart starts beating really fast I get a headache, everything feels like a horror movie.
Ellie, UK I can't stop thinking that my partner is recording or listening to my phone calls and can hear my thoughts and conversations with others.
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As a result I feel very inhibited and isolated. It feels like he is more in control of me than I am. I even question whether my thoughts and agendas are my own anymore, or whether they have been planted there. It's frightening. I also have strong suspicions that he has recorded us with either video or audio in the bedroom, and I know that he has discussed intimate details with others.
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It puts me in a double bind with regards whether to stay in or leave the relationship. In the past I had beliefs that an alien was controlling my thoughts, a belief that it would kill me for eating and being fat, and a strong sense of suspicion about a black van that used to park outside my house. I've also been terrorized by some unknown dark malevolent force and thought that it was going to get to me through the TV.
I have Bipolar Disorder and now that my medication is being reduced I realize the vulnerability that being zonked out on medication causes.
I haven't been properly vigilant against things and have been too trusting, have let things happen that I'm not comfortable with. I now accept that past paranoia was indeed paranoia but at the moment I truly believe that these things about my partner are true. It's almost paralyzing. Chuck, UK Im currently in my living room and i keep hearing foot steps from the kitchen i walked in i keep the door locked its open and unlocked i thought omg someones in my house and i hear things then i think maybe me brother just came in threw there then i think but how would he get in its locked and my mind jumps from onw thought to another the best thing you can do is face it i walked all over my house it was hard cause i was sure there was someone in my house but im alive and i made it threw the night so my advice is just face it no matter what you know its in ur head.
Apple, Canada Paranoia is an ugly thing. Though it is rich with delusions and empty promises, you cannot see such things until you're already enveloped in this -- thing. As a paranoiac, I contradict myself by posting here. What will this accomplish? If anything, this will detriment my survival; the world is out to get me after all, why give it more information to satisfy their own sick curiosities?
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An experiment, am I? I may be one of the few paranoiacs who seek help, and I may be one of the few who fully understand what's happening to me, but when you've been ripped in two, and your psyche so severely damaged, you can't not help yourself. It's so hard to go against primal instincts; your leg is broken? You'd fix it, wouldn't you? Maybe we're masochists, and a large part of us doesn't want help lest it be false, but that doesn't mean that a part of us deep down wants someone to reach out, to help. It's madness, that is what it is.
Our mind's madness. I strayed from my original point but -- just stay strong, seek out help if you can. It's never too late. Raphael, Australia I am a 24 year old single male student. Several months ago I began to suspect that my neighbors were talking about me.
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They would stop their conversation on their outside balcony as I entered my home as though they had just been discussing me. I then believed that I could catch snippets of conversation while inside my house, of them saying my name, the names of my visitors, physical descriptions that applied to me etc. This then continued for several months.
I had been depressed unrelated for a couple of years prior to this. I became increasingly isolated and spent almost all my non-university time at home. Then one day I heard them discussing what I was doing in my house, short reports such as "He's on the couch" or "He's reading something". I was alarmed and couldn't figure out how they could know this.
I became extremely paranoid and began checking my apartment for cameras. This had turned from banal conversation about me to being able to view me in my house.
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I could not understand how they seemed so normal when I would encounter them in person, and was undecided as to whether they knew I could hear them or not. I didn't know what possible motivation they had for their constant monitoring. I was completely aware of how 'crazy' this all sounded and so did not seek any help, utterly convinced that my neighbors were monitoring me.
This led to an almost unbearable amount of constant stress. For reasons still unknown to me, I pretended as though I couldn't hear them while they were discussing me, and tried to go about my normal routines. Finally, I began to hear their voices when I was away from my flat, among crowds where I couldn't see where they were, and thought they were following me. I called the police and two great guys came over, it was apparent they had come across this sort of thing before and suggested I see someone at the hospital.
I did, only wishing to be given some sedatives so I could sleep and not hear the voices anymore. I met a great psychiatrist and gradually increased my social interactiveness, and in those moments when I was focussing on something else I couldn't hear the voices, and eventually they stopped altogether. Phoebe, UK I am constantly thinking there is someone behind me I sweat so much with fear and I can't get to sleep I was that scared that I actually went to sleep with a torch on so I could keep a look out once the torch ran out of battery I thought somebody had turned it off.
I found that if I forget what is happening around my and just keep my eyes shut I feel almost relaxed. Or try listening to music that usually helps me. Kay, Canada I feel like once I tell someone a secret, the whole world will know. I always feel like someones watching me. I never feel alone. In public, I'm afraid that people are following me or they're gonna take me away.
I even sometimes think my own parents are gonna kill me.. I'm also afraid to look out my window. I'm afraid a murderer will be right outside it. I can't really trust anyone. Enrique, Mexico Hi mi name is Enrique and this is very helpful to me cause I really couldn't ever tell people which things I was afraid of.
Well many things such as people laughing at raves or partys used to scare me so much, also hear messages from the TV or the radio especific to me. Neighbors spying and hearing me. I was paying for panic attacks and voices in my head buying drugs. I quit weed for about a year recieved medical atention and everything went better. I read this article about many many people who has been trough the same experience and they can calm down the anxiaty with a little medical anti-anxiaty pills.
Mind Monsters: Conquering Fear, Worry, Guilt and Other Negative Thoughts That Work Against You
And you could say, well and why don't you just cut the hemp? Why are you so afraid of reality that you have to smoke a joint to feel fine? Well let me tell you that I'm 25 years old now, I have a kid, a job and wife. And sometimes I can't just let the bad thoughs of monotony, relationship problems that I have to anesthetize me and weed makes me happy, I inmedietly forget about work issues and I laugh with mi kid and wife and everything seems cool to me again, I know that it doesn't fix my situation but It gives me strenght to continue the next day.
Kate, UK I'm very paranoid. I've had this strange feeling for over 2 years that someone trying to kill me; I won't drink or eat anything that has been left alone, as I feel someone has put poison in it when I wasn't looking. And before I go to bed every night and check outside my window, in my bathroom, in my closet, behind the door, under my bed and the empty room down the landing to make sure no one will kill me in my sleep.
It's spooky. C, UK I know I'm on a dark journey and have been for about 2 years. I have felt myself changing and hate being the person I am today. I start every day with knots in my stomach at the thought of what is going to be said by someone that day It happens every day without fail I spend the whole evening churning these thoughts around my head and have difficulty sleeping nightmares or just panicing about the next day.
I wake up with knots in my stomach I know it is rediculous and that it is impossible for everyone to be against someone all of the time At least I'm not alone hey! Sarah, Australia Im always paranoid about everything I think that someone's always out there to get me or when I watch a scary movie I think what happened in the movie is going to happen to me I feel asif people I know are out to hurt me or talk about me or if I don't to something a certain way I'm going to die or something Bad will happen and many other stuff aswel and it won't go away!!!!!
Kelli, USA At night while I try to sleep it feels like someone is watching me and it gets so bad that it makes it hard to sleep. I'v been afraid of the dark since I was little but now its more like I'm afraid of what's IN the dark more than anything. I have to be covered up from my toes to my chin and sometimes even over my head with a blanket before I feel remotely safe and even then the feeling won't stop.
The feeling is just bad and makes me feel unconformable. Ryan, USA I am paranoid about people being able to tell im "fucked" by looking at be or reading my mind.
I feel like people think im going to kill their children or someting when im at walmart or stores. And when im driving i think people are following me all the time, i get nervous around people i know and havent seen for a while, but strangers arent as bad because i figure they dont know me. I dont show my face around my town, i always like to go to another town its so weird, i am going to try therapy Ashley, USA For the past month i have been feeling more not myself..